Changing

I am back. It has been almost a year and i read this blog and am ashamed to say that I have indeed NOT lost more weight but back to where I started at 96.4kg.. i cannot believe that in almost a year I have only yoyoed around the same 3 kilos. this is crazy. But i think i have a new take on life.. i have discovered a new mental way to move forward. I found a friend. His name is JON GABRIEL, and i am reading his book 'The Gabriel Method'. Things have changed in the past 3 weeks, and from now on, things WILL change. And I can assure you that if I shut this computer down today and do not return until a years time from now, i will have transformed into the wonderful and amazing butterfly I was born to be!

I am free. I left my job, the place of poison where my life was never going to be happy.. it was such a hard decision, but with the support of my beautiful boy (lets call him JTM) I grew the courage and strength required to stand up to bullying bosses and did what was right for me, left my job. I can now focus on me, me, me and give back to myself what i need to grow and flourish.

Stay tuned. I am on a mission. I am using visualisation and power of the mind to take me on this journey.

it worked

well i had a great day today. I lost 1 kilo. so excited. i have been so good and trying so hard this week, so am really pleased. I do have a long way to go on my journey, but I am excited to be where i am. my mind set it slowly changing. I do have a strong mind, and I will use it to my advantage. The graph is starting to slope down, the weight is giong to slide off, and I am excited to start this adventure.

I am tired. Work is long. Hours are crazy. The boy is working interstate, on a job where he comes home twice a month, I miss him. But i am staying focused. I want to talk more, but the hours, the day, the week, the month. It is slowly slipping away. And I hear my sleep beckoning. Stay with me. The story will unfold.

Again, yay for me.

close out: Day 2

At: 93.4kg

Picture: remains of the day

THE BEGINNING

oh my god i just lost everything i wrote. i wanted to share my story, start from scratch and begin the journey... computers bahhhhhhhhhhhh so annoying.. so let me begin again!

I love to talk, love to socialise, and love my food. I never really thought I had much of a problem.. But tonight has been awesome. I have spent so much time on the computer, browsing this NET and being motivated by everyones wonderful success stories in neverland, that i haven't had time to think about food, haven't had time to snack on useless, crappy points, and i have had time to reflect and being my journey. It sucks i lost my first post. I need to go to bed and get some rest. But just want to say thanks for having me, thanks to WW and the freedom a space provides.

I first realised i needed to do something after a recent trip to Bali. You know what, I look in the mirror most days and go 'you're pretty cute' and i don't see ugly at all. BUT then i see photographs and i think to myself 'wow, is that what others see' cause i really don't see it. part of my problem of how my weight slowly crept on. Growing up i never had weight problems. Truly, it all started when i finished high school and started going out, drinking cheap beer and stuffing my face with hot chicken pies from the local servo after our local pub crawl. I was 19, and life was just beginning, i never thought i would blow up like i have... now a good 20 years later and, i am sad to say, the weight HAS crept upon me, and it was this photo i have attached that i realised something needed to be done. i immediately took myself to WW and weighed in at the heaviest EVER, at 96.4kilos I nearly died. What a SHOCK!! it is my week 6 weigh in tomorrow and i am feeling great. first time actually. because for the past 3 weeks i have been yo yoing around the same damn 3 kilos that i lost the first 3 weeks. So today i weigh in at 94.6, and need to do something different, need to start this damn journey. No more pussy footing around.. ahhhhg...

The penny dropped when i started talking to my brother (lets call him AJM) on the weekend. My brother actually joined WW online 3 weeks ago and has already lost 5 kilos.. YAY for him.. i am excited for him.. but at same time, i am like WHAT THE.. what am i doing wrong.. so i picked his brain and after he told me he measures, weighs, and records every single piece of food going in his mouth, and he runs, and counts the points religiously, the light bulb went off.. OF COURSE.. i am just cheating myself. I am a strong girl. Why do i do this to myself. Am i really sabotaging myself? i have friends, family, a wonderful beautiful boyfriend, they all love me unconditionally.. but me, why me, I just stand in my own way. I can't believe this. I can't believe i didn't notice this earlier on? So the last two days i have changed my mindset. I have decided to give this my best shot. I am almost 40 and i weigh almost 100kgs. I feel sick when I write this. And I feel sick when i see what i have become. Because under all the extra weight, i know there is a beautiful girl waiting to escape. She has been hibernating for SO DAMN long, and I going tb bring her back to life. Just you watch.

I want to tell you more, there is so much to say. But I must get some sleep. I have long, hard days at work, it is stressful long days. And i am so excited about my weigh in tomorrow, I know I am starting to find my way... but i will keep you posted, and will come back soon to tell you more..thanks for listening..

CLOSE OUT: Day 1

PICTURE: the one that shouted abuse...

WEIGHT: 94.4kg